Yay for lists!

I've been thinking a lot lately about relationships.  Obviously, I can't deny the Debbie-Downer-ness of my previous post, and neither can I defend it.  The reality is that I get overwhelmed and dramatic, perhaps to a degree one might term "batshit crazy," when I should be grateful, excited and what - exhuberant?  I'm getting married for Pete's sake! 

When in a relationship, it's really easy to get lost in your own head, to the point that you forget someone else is living right beside you.  We are selfish creatures.  We walk out of our house and forget that the other lives an entire life apart - like that tree-in-the-forest riddle.  If we aren't there, who's to say it makes a sound?  The perception of our world is necessarily and absolutely one dimensional, and has been our whole lives, so of course it's difficult to accommodate another person schlepping alongside.  It is against our nature to conjure substantial and constant empathy for someone else, especially when they live with you, you see them every day, and they do the most annoying things. 

Here's the kicker:  these things we call relationships are not immortal.  They're more like plants.  One day, you forget to give it water and it's droopy, sad, and gray.  I know; I've killed a lot of plants.  I killed a cactus.

So this morning I got mad that Oscar wouldn't walk the dog, even though I got up an hour before him and would be at the mercy of suicide-stage traffic, and I was super bitchy.  I felt really crap-tastic about it, and about life in general.  Realizing that attitude to be counterproductive, because I just kept feeling crappier, I got into work and decided to write down a list of his best attributes that are included in the reasons for which I will love him until I breathe my last breath.

1.  He's handsome.
2.  He's kind.
3.  He's tall.
4.  He's bright.
5.  He's caring.
6.  He's funny, and makes me laugh all the time.
7.  He has great hair.
8.  He's the most intelligent person I know.
9.  He's ambitious, and sets high standards for himself.
10.  He has beautiful eyes.
11.  He tastes like truffle when I kiss him.
12.  He wears cologne just because he knows I like it.
13.  He is warm.
14.  He holds me tight.
15.  He is eager to please me.
16.  He likes dirty vodka martinis.
17.  His favorite movie is Tombstone, which is adorable.
18.  He listens.
19.  He is reasonable and logical.
20.  He holds my hand.
21.  He does the dishes because he knows I hate it.

Trust me, I could go on... but just engaging in the exercise of writing this list brings to the forefront of my mind all of the fantastic, superlative, one-in-a-million pieces of this guy, and I feel calm, grateful, and infinitely stupid for even getting mad this morning.  I should send him this.