Debbie-Downer moment.

I spoke today with a friend/colleague who had recently attended a funeral of a close family member.  He related to me a moment that struck him at the time, even through the cloud of his grief, as noteworthy.  After the service, he found himself in the awkward position of forcing smalltalk with one of the owners of the funeral parlor. 

Friend:  "So... business is... good?"
Mortician:  "Well... it depends on how many people die in a given week, I suppose."
Friend:  "Rrrriiight."

He went on to say that a mortician was the one job he would never do, that it would be too emotionally taxing, too depressing, and just an all-around downer of an employ.  I admit, the job involves what could be fairly termed buzz-kills:  the ever-present reminder of one's mortality, the daily acknowledgement of the inevitability of death, and constant exposure to communal grief.  Not to mention those spooky dead bodies .

Not to bum him out further, I had a thought that there were obvious comparisons to be drawn among the profession of mortician and our own (that is, lawyer).  Morticians provide services to people in times when they are in need - in circumstances when people are at their most vulnerable.  A person dies, a family becomes overwhelmed with grief, and calls in a mortician to work out the logistics of a service and a burial.  Lawyers do the same - we only show up when you're losing your house, fighting over money, divorcing... lawyers, too, darkly make a living off of the misfortunes of others (to be fair, some folks had it coming).  It's kind of easy to make the argument that morticians are even able to see a better side of humanity.  Families are grieving loved ones, reuniting with scattered relatives, and showing up to honor the person recently passed.  A mortician may see that a person was loved, valued, and will be missed.  He sees the strength of a widow as she carries on without her great love.  He sees relatives embracing in condolence, regardless of whatever complicated entanglements of emotion might be present in those relationships.  He hears the sentimentalized life stories of the departed, of their legacy in the world they left behind.  The tone of such events is acceptance, resignation, sorrow for the loss.

Attorneys, on the other hand, serve people who are pissed off, broken, angry, desperate, and sometimes just fucking mean.  Our clients want to fight and scramble, kick and bite, and our job is to show them the acceptable way to do so - the legal way to be the winner.  And at least for me, the stakes are not easily romanticized - these people are fighting over money.  Or property.  Or just the right to rub it in the other guy's face.  It's the kind of school-yard petty bullshit that our profession tends to encourage.  We see the worst side of humanity.  The dick side. 


So, my fantastically kind, insightful words to my grieving friend likely had the unintended effect of further depressing him.  (Nailed it!)  At least we don't have to see spooky dead bodies?  Right, pal?