So not right.

A friend of mine brought cupcakes into work today.  "Yay!" is the phrase that one would normally be associated with such an event, but here's the caveat:  these were no ordinary cupcakes.  DISCLAIMER:  to those of you with an abnormally sensitive gag-reflex, read on at your own peril, and that of your computer.

Buffalo.  Chicken.  Cupcakes.  With blue cheese icing.

Vom.

Now, I am a woman who loves her food, but come on America!  Have we not subjected our populace to a towering-enough risk of diabetes/obesity/can't-fit-in-my-chair syndrome that our repertoire needs such a foul creation?  It's basically sugar, corn flower, Buffalo sauce, blue cheese icing made from confectioner's sugar, and as an added flourish, a baby chicken wing stuck right on top, I suppose meant as a comforting assurance that it technically qualifies as food.  In fact, it is a cleverly-disguised baby-step towards cardiac arrythmia.

I had a similar experience while traveling in Texas recently, where I noticed the disturbing trend in that region that desires to sneak in as many additives to render the food as caloric as humanly possible - why eat salsa, when you can MIX IN A STICK OF CREAM CHEESE?  Why have waffles, when you can EAT A WAFFLE SANDWICH WITH BACON, EGGS AND CHEESE?  A steak is far too healthy, let's FILL IT WITH CHEDDAR!  I know, it's seems the perfect commentary to set up the inevitable punchline "Hey, y'all, everything's bigger in Texas!  Dang-gum-it!"  But isn't it really just sad?  It's hot there, aren't you uncomfortable?  Doesn't it suck to breath heavy, sweat, feel exhausted all the time?  Are the chocolate-dipped fried Twinkies worth it?  The proclivity for extreme eating is made more troubling by the lifestyle down there - unless you're living in downtown Austin, you're not walking anywhere.  In Texas, if you don't have a car, the "FUCK YOU" is palpable.  There are very few sidewalks, no public transportation to speak of, and everything is so sprreeeaadddd ouuuuuttt.  Texans are driving drunk.  That is just a fact.  Or maybe they've replaced drinking with eating ribs.

 

I'm not deliberately singling you out, Texas.  That's just been my experience.  I mean, I haven't been to Mississippi, but I assume it's the same deal.  The thing is that the vast majority of people I know, boys and girls included, are concerned about their weight, and are constantly dieting.  I also have my own struggles, and I didn't grow up eating freaking blue cheese icing or The Baconator or fried Butterfingers.  I really just think, that can't taste good!  It's too much!  It's like seeing one of those pornstars with HUUUUGE boobs and HUUUUGE lips and BLOOONDE hair - I have a very negative physical reaction to over-doing it.  Now, maybe that's a personal problem.  But those cupcakes look evil enough to kill.